30 May 2007
XMen 4 More about Frivolous Friendships
Let’s cut to the chase. I’m saying that I know first hand what it is like to care deeply for another man in a way that competes with the great friendships of history—the Butch and Sundance’s, the Batman and Robins, the David and Jonathans—all of them. I not only know that it is possible, I know that it is what our creator intended. It’s all through the Bible. Consider just a few verses like, Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10, or, 2 Peter 1:5&7, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. And also, A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24.
I could go on and on and on. Deep friendship and community is a lot of what the Bible is all about, beginning with the relationship that God wants to have with each of us, but you don’t see this much today.
Instead, you hear a whole lot more about groups of guys like the Brat Pack, or the people that seem to live at the bar named ‘Cheers,’ or the three derelicts guys on the TV show, Friends. Their friendships seem to be more about what they can do for each other’s popularity, or trading barbs, but you almost never get the feeling that these guys care about each other. In the Bible we learn that the greatest love anyone can have for another is that they would lay down their own life for their friend if it came to that. Do you think George would do that for Seinfeld? Or Ross for Joey? Actually, I don’t get the feeling they’d even give up a paycheck if it came down to it. Even if
The friendships being portrayed in the movies and on TV are more from convenience than real bonding and love. When the shows have had their run, or the season ends, everyone goes their separate ways—even if they’ve spent nearly every single day of the last ten years together! I’m sure it’s not what they all want to happen, but it does every time, like clockwork. I wonder if they don’t reassure themselves on some level that the real deep meaningful relationships of life are just around the corner, perhaps when we get a little older, or, things settle down a bit. But it never comes. Most men get into their upper years and can not point to one friendship that really made a huge difference in their lives. Most Butch Cassidy’s never find a Sundance…
Continued in tomorrow’s post
4 Comments currently posted.
Marty says:
JT says:
The last few posts have been great reading and even better reminder of the importance of ‘true friendship’. But I ask the question… why do you think society is afraid of these types of frienships, especially the men of our society? Is it not an indicator of our spiritual well being as men? Think about it…if we as men (or women, I don’t want to leave them out) have a hard time putting the amount of work that goes in to the type of friendship that you are talking about with people we can see, touch, hear and see wouldn’t it make sense to say that same problem is preventing from having that true relationship with God, whome we can’t see, touch or hear?
Sometimes we fail to realize that our relationships in life are true indicators of our spiritual well-being…If every relationship that we have is superficial it only makes sense that our relationship with Christ is superficial. Am I making sense or has the ‘rabbit trail’ taken me to Siberia?
This problem has been called a number of things: religiosity, apathy, selfishness and the list goes on and on. Last night was ‘Nite of Worship’ at SCC. We all had the opportunity to ‘FEEL’ God’s presence. ‘HEAR’ His voice. ‘SEE’ His face. ‘TASTE’ his love. It was awesome!! Off-the hook and Off the charts! But there were only 150 us there. The place should’ve been packed. The Video Cafe should have been full, but it wasn’t…If you weren’t there you missed it! EVERYONE that was there grew closer to God.
Facing the Giants and talking about all of the things that are holding this church back from great, great things is very much needed. We don’t need to make this complicated though, its very simple…we all have to deepen our relationships with God. Put the work into it…I am…get out of your comfort zone and NEVER be satisfied with where you are in your walk with God. This will strengthen your relationship with God, this will give you a desire to put that same kind of effort into earthly relationships. This will prepare us for the great and mighty things that God wants to do through us!
Michael says:
It is so true that our relationship with people shapes our relationship with God. If we had a bad father, then our image of God the Father is quite tainted. If we have no real friend(s), then our image of God being a friend is foreign at best. If we have short-term relationships because we do not maintain the friendship, then our relationship maintenance with God will be lacking as well.
JT is so right to ask the question that clearly has an answer. Of course, I could use the line from SNL, “Could it be … Satan!” and be right on. Why would I be right on? Simple. The Bible tells us clearly. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 tells us that a relationship with God in the middle of it cannot be easily broken. What Satan knows is that for him to have victory in eating us up is that he needs to stop the relationship before it gets started. We are not surprised when someone says that he is out to destroy the family. We do not think it weird if a pastor tells us that he is destroying marriages. So, if those are built with the overaching theme of relationship, then why would it to odd for him to attack friendships? Why would it be hard to believe that he wants to stop friendships from happening and/or throwing darts meant to destroy budding friendships? It is only hard to believe if you have rendered Satan as some mythological creature that really isn’t all he has been made out to be.
Of course, having said all of that, it needs to be said that we have a huge role in this as well. We have our gods that turn us aside from seeking God whole-heartedly. We do not have things in the right order because we do not like God’s order of things. What is God’s number one? A relationship with Him! What is His number two? Loving others. A.K.A., having real, genuine friendships with others.
Okay, okay! So, you have your beer buddies. Some of you have your poker friends. Others, golfing pals. You have social friends to throw their names around when you are with other “friends.” Business pals. Who doesn’t have a business pal? You know, they are the head of something or in charge of that thing. Why are they your pal? So, you can get something out of them when needed. How many of you have a … real friend? Don’t just answer “Yes!” to avoid the real answer. Honestly, how many of you have a real friend?
The first thing about a real friend is they reflect Godly principles to encourage you and challenge you to grow in your relationship with God. Secondly, they minister to you because they need to and want to because they love you. Okay, guys, I threw out the word. LOVE. They love you. Another man loves you. Why? Because they are following God’s command and they really have a desire to love YOU. Third point, a real friend is not in it for something earthly. They are in for your heavenly benefit. Lastly (though far from the end of the list), a real friend sees your life in all its bad light too and still there for you.
Sounds like God and real friends have a lot in common. Satan and us have a lot in common to. Naturally, we hate doing what is right. Developing and cultivating real friendships is the right thing to do. So, do the right thing.
Steve says:
I remember an old man told me one time that when you are 40 years old and you can look around and say you have one close friend then you are doing good. Years have proven that is kind of true. However I have been fortunate enough in my life to have 2 close friends. The kind of friend that will shed tears in front of you and not feel ashamed. They would immediately come and get you out of jail (not that that’s gonna happen but you see the point) I can go weeks or months without seeing them and one call and it’s right back where we were. We aren’t afraid to say, well. that we love each other. They are truly closer than brothers. We are Christians and have seen each other through some rough times. One friend now is going through a difficult time. I’m glad you brought all this up Rob because I think alot of men are afraid to go beyond superficial friendships to deep rooted bonds of friendship that I think can only be obtained through mutual trust in Jesus Christ. I have been blessed with these guys and very grateful for their friendships. (I hope this stayed with the topic?) I just wanted to add to the “NUMBERS” of guys writing in proving that these deep, brotherly, relationships do exist and are a powerful force in their lives. It’s a shame society makes some men feel almost embaressed to have brotherly friendships where you can say, “I love you, Man!” and mean it.
I’ve really enjoyed these past couple posts Mainly because they really speak to me. I used to have that great guy friendship in college but afterwards we moved apart. Since then I haven’t been able to develop another close friendship but it’s something I’ve desired for years. I have tons of guy friends that I hang out with but those are little more than superficial relationships. And right now, my wife is my best friend. But, I really need that one guy that if I needed to, I could call at 2am and he would be there for me. It has been and will continue to be my prayer that God brings someone like that into my life.
PS. I like your reference to “Batman and RobinS”. That tells me you know your comic book history