18 February 2008
We’ve brought sexy about halfway back!
We’ll bring it all the way home this coming weekend at Southbrook Church! I hope if you’re in the area you’ll plan on joining us for the conclusion of our “Friends with Benefits” series.
Can’t say it’s been easy, but I can tell you very few series have moved people to make changes in their lives like this one. The e-mails are pouring in, the blog comments have heated up, and among the pastors at SCC, it’s all hands on deck to help people deal with the hurt and isolation caused by taking this wonderful gift of sex that God has given us (that’s right, sex was God’s idea) and twisting it into something(s) it was never meant for. And some people are learning that recovery is not a quick fix. It takes time.
But it’s worth it.
No pain, no gain.
So I wonder what it is about human beings that causes us to refuse to learn a stinkin thing from history and to make “repeating history” an Olympic sport?
Could it be that we’ve bought the lie that God doesn’t really love us? That He’s really a very controlling and sadistic God who gets great pleasure from holding out on us?
This week was a real eye opener for me as to how many people really believe this. There are millions. No, billions on planet earth who see all that God has done and the mind-boggling design and intricacy—the delicate balance that holds the universe together, the unique capabilities of mankind verses animals and after carefully observing all of this say, “Isn’t Mother Nature incredible?”
Isn’t natural selection an awesome process?
It’s like someone wondering around in Death Valley, stumbling upon a Van Gogh and saying, “Wow, I wonder how many millions of years this took to come about?!”
Huh?
Time doesn’t have a brain.
Time is not a designer.
And all the time in the world wouldn’t paint a Van Gogh.
Ever.
Nor would any rational, thinking person ever come to that conclusion. Yet people look at a far, far more intricate thing like the human body and come to a completely irrational conclusion.
It’s foolish to even think this way. And no one will stand before God one day and be able to use any of this gibberish to defend themselves from the accusation that they stiff armed God their entire lives.
You say, “What does all this have to do with “Friends with Benefits?”
Consider the following passage:
18-23But God’s angry displeasure erupts as acts of human mistrust and wrongdoing and lying accumulate, as people try to put a shroud over truth. But the basic reality of God is plain enough. Open your eyes and there it is! By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such can’t see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of his divine being. So nobody has a good excuse. What happened was this: People knew God perfectly well, but when they didn’t treat him like God, refusing to worship him, they trivialized themselves into silliness and confusion so that there was neither sense nor direction left in their lives. They pretended to know it all, but were illiterate regarding life. They traded the glory of God who holds the whole world in his hands for cheap figurines you can buy at any roadside stand.
24-25So God said, in effect, “If that’s what you want, that’s what you get.” It wasn’t long before they were living in a pigpen, smeared with filth, filthy inside and out. And all this because they traded the true God for a fake god, and worshiped the god they made instead of the God who made them—the God we bless, the God who blesses us. Oh, yes!
26-27Worse followed. Refusing to know God, they soon didn’t know how to be human either—women didn’t know how to be women, men didn’t know how to be men. Sexually confused, they abused and defiled one another, women with women, men with men—all lust, no love. And then they paid for it, oh, how they paid for it—emptied of God and love, godless and loveless wretches.
28-32Since they didn’t bother to acknowledge God, God quit bothering them and let them run loose. And then all hell broke loose: rampant evil, grabbing and grasping, vicious backstabbing. They made life hell on earth with their envy, wanton killing, bickering, and cheating. Look at them: mean-spirited, venomous, fork-tongued God-bashers. Bullies, swaggerers, insufferable windbags! They keep inventing new ways of wrecking lives. They ditch their parents when they get in the way. Stupid, slimy, cruel, cold-blooded. And it’s not as if they don’t know better. They know perfectly well they’re spitting in God’s face. And they don’t care—worse, they hand out prizes to those who do the worst things best! Romans 1:18–32 (The Message)
What’s that mean? Bottom-line?
God’s not going to accept the, “play dumb” card. Why? Because no one is dumb enough according to Him.
The fact that He exists and that there is a designer responsible for this incredible design known as planet earth is that obvious.
“Well, pastor Rob, if it’s that obvious than how come seemingly intelligent people don’t get it?”
God says it has nothing to do with the function of their brains. However, it has everything to do with the malfunction of their hearts.
Go back up and read that passage again, s-l-o-o-o-o-w-l-y this time…
Did you catch it? The issue is one of rebellion. Since the very beginning, man has said, “I don’t want you to be boss, God! I want to be the boss of my own life! I know better than you!
They insisted on it.
Demanded it.
Fought for it.
In the end, God gave them what they wanted. He’s not going to force His love upon you.
That’s why we can see people who seem to have it all and yet they are ever looking over the fence to make sure the grass isn’t in fact greener on the other side. They’re going to make sure they don’t get ripped off by God in this life.
But they’re ripping themselves off—in every area of their lives.
Sex is just one area we mess up because we think we know better. So, “no thanks, God! I’ll take my chances with love. I want freedom and there will be no boundaries on me. I’m the God of my own life. So, while Christians settle for limiting sex to marriage, I’ll take that ‘benefit’ with my friends.”
That’s a bad decision, but that’s just one man’s opinion…
One man and One God.
* I’d like to hear what you all have to say on this subject. For those of you who missed it, we are running a contest in order to get some great feedback that might be helpful to others. The details are below:
Write a blog about the best thing(s) you (or your parents) ever did (a talk, a life lesson, a summer camp, the way you and your spouse modeled a healthy relationship, etc.) to help ensure that you or your young ones didn’t get swept up in the cultural current.
The best entry gets a night on the town on us (dinner, movie tickets). I’ll pick a winner at the end of the series (end of February) provided we have at least 20 people participate–call me cheap, I don’t care. Dates cost a fortune these days!
And just to keep this sane, here are the rules,
1. You must have a blog.
2. Write a post on your blog that tells others about the “mentoring moment(s)” — give us all the juicy details, please!
3. Include a link to today’s post. In other words, include the following link in the post you write, http://www.robsingleton.net/2008/02/15/lets-talk-about-sex-baby/
4. Have your post up by
5. Include a link back to this post in your post.
5. Begin the whole process by linking in the Mister Linky box at the bottom of my previous post (here). Please be sure to link the specific page that your entry post is on so we can find it to read it.
It’s that easy.
Hope to read your story there!
P.S. I have absolutely loved hearing from people in all walks of life. We are all God’s creatures! However, it has become clear that I need to have another venue for these discussions to continue–a venue more suited to the purpose of philosophizing and festooning than to devotionals, church, and the Christian life. So, I am happy to announce my second blog, rob’s rants. You can find it here at, www.pastorrobsrants.blogspot.com I hope you all will check it out real soon! I already have 2 major posts up in response to The Barefoot Bum’s article here.
14 Comments currently posted.
kati says:
Guest says:
When will Parts 2 & 3 of this series be available online on the SCC website?
DagoodS says:
Rob Singleton,
I happened across your blog through The Barefoot Bum and thought I would make some remarks on this entry. Obviously I have not been attending your series, and if my comment is inappropriate to your intended forum, feel free to delete it or ignore it.
In fact, I do not expect you to understand, empathize or significantly conceptualize what I am about to say. I expect my statements here will completely miss their mark. I get (I really do) that on the one hand you have what you believe is a God saying deep down all humans, in their heart of hearts, know there is a God. And on the other hand, you have a human (me) who says I do not.
You will always land on the claim you think a God makes over the claim a human makes. Romans 1:20 will trump anything I have to say. Every time. Just a few years ago, I would have agreed with you; my “Amen, Brother!” would have been as loud as anyone else.
Hopefully you will forgive me for not writing this comment to you; I am writing it to some possible reader who is in that stage of vacillation—that moment of gray in attempting to wrap their hands around what people are claiming God says, and frustrated with being accused of things they simply are not.
I suspect in your experience, both as a student and teacher, you have seen that people learn differently. This is not some outstanding new idea, recently formulated through intense scientific research—this has been recognized for centuries.
Some people are good at languages; some are horrible. Some can memorize vast tracts of passages; others expend great effort to learn a simple verse. Some learn visually; some orally; some a combination. Some are good in math; others excel at poetry. How many times have we taught a concept, and watch part of the class “get it” right away, and others look upon us with a strange look of befuddlement on their face?
Simply put—people learn differently. We are persuaded differently. As different as each of our make-ups—is it such a surprise we are equally different in how we are persuaded about a God?
If I told you we must all learn languages by rote memorization—you would dismiss me as a poor teacher. Yet I am then informed there is one, and only one way in which I do not believe there is a god? We see some theists convinced by science; some by the moral argument; some by a conversion experience; some by historical evidence; and some by social interactions with others.
Yet when it comes to the flip side—why is it there is only one possible right answer? This should set off alarm bells, I hope.
“I believe there is a God because of science.”
“Great!”
“I believe there is no God because of science.”
“Nope—it is rebellion.”
“I believe there is a God because He changed my life.”
“Great!”
“I believe there is no God because of events in my life.”
“Nope—it is rebellion.”
“I believe there is a God because of my study of history.”
“Great!”
“I believe there is no God because of my study of history.”
“Nope—it is rebellion.”
Just as theists (like all people for all beliefs) arrive at the conclusion there is a God for different reasons, non-theists (like all people for all beliefs) arrive at the conclusion there is no God for different reasons. It isn’t “rebellion” for all of us.
It is very convenient for Christians to tell other Christians how those “outsiders” are simply not getting it because of rebellion, or desire to sin, or hard-heartedness. Christians can pat each other on the back as to how they “get it” and those others don’t, and aren’t Christians just grand?
It reminds me of a certain Sunday when the Pastor commended the attendees for being at church instead of staying at home watching the SuperBowl. As I looked at my fellow members, all puffed up with pride as to how spiritual they are for attending, and how the pastor complimented them, I thought, “So what? The people you are criticizing aren’t here! They don’t know they are being condemned. You all pat yourselves on the back as to how wonderful you are at the expense of those who don’t hear.”
I get the same feeling with this argument—so easy to criticize non-theists when other Christians thump ya on the back with a loud “Amen! That’s the truth!”
Two final points:
1) While Christians claim this, pragmatically they abandon it almost immediately in the theist/non-theist debate. The Christian bookshelves bulge with apologetic books by Strobel and Craig and Plantinga and Bauckham, and Hanegraaff and Moreland and The Wedge and so on.
We see debates and arguments and claims and research and study all geared toward what—reducing the rebellion? Of course not! All geared to evidence, proving there is a God. If I already know, why the intense ferocity in trying to prove what I already know? Why the argument for a historical Jesus if it really has to do with my apparent desire to sin, sin, sin?
2) Your own Jesus recognized it was not merely one’s rebellion, but also included the extent of one’s knowledge.
In Mark 4:1-9 Jesus tells the famous parable of the seeds falling on the rocky ground, thorny ground, good soil, etc. Notice that both “those around Him” (4:10) as well as the multitude (4:1) didn’t get it. They both missed the point. Jesus then goes on to explain (i.e. give knowledge) to the insiders as to what the parable meant. (4:13-20)
But notice what Jesus says prior to explaining it to the insiders. “You get to know the mystery of the Kingdom of God, but to the outsiders—they are stuck with parables. This way they will hear, but not understand. See, but not perceive. Because if I explained it to them, they would turn from their sins and be forgiven.” (Mark 4:11-12 paraphrased.)
These are particularly troubling passages for any claim that it is rebellion, not knowledge, which affects how one believes in a God. If it is knowledge—what harm would it be for Jesus to have explained the parable to the entire multitude?
As easy as it was for Paul, in the Book Romans, to poison the well by writing to Christians in Rome who could nod their head in agreement, (They were not like those nasty heathens who don’t believe in a God—no sirree! They did it right!) this argument has perpetuated through the centuries with no let-up.
(P.S. Although this should have nothing to do with anything I wrote, I would inform you I was a Christian for 32 years. I didn’t deconvert to become a pimp, or a drug addict, or even to have Sunday Mornings to sleep in—believe it or not. Not a single family member, former Christian friend, or Church leader has ever approached me with any claim of any new sin in my life which would precipitate my being an atheist. Because there isn’t any. This speaks volumes.
Quite the contrary, the few conversations consisted of my explaining the rationale and reasoning behind my deconversion, asking if they have a better explanation, and they run away. They probably wish I would at least start cheating on my taxes or something they could blame my change in belief. *grin*)
Guest says:
DagoodS says “…..I am writing it to some possible reader who is in that stage of vacillation….”
I’ve been reading Pastor Rob’s blogs for a few months now and listening to his series. I attended a few services last year and it had been over 20 years since I’d attended a church service. I am at this stage in my life where I “want” to believe and Pastor Rob has brought me to a point in my life where I actually feel like I can be a Christian…….
HOWEVER……here’s my gray area…..at almost every religious service I attend, I pray for forgiveness of my sins (MANY, MANY of them too) and I ask Christ to come into my heart and save me. Then, after I’ve repeated the prayer and he says I’m saved……I feel lost and like the outsider you mentioned.
Steve says:
Guest— have you let someone know you made that decision?? At Southbrook, there are several ways to let the pastoral staff, volunteers, other belivers know you made that decision. It isn;t something that you should hold in and think that someone will eventually find out. Rob generally ends service with an invitation to see him after the service. This is a time when you should be surrounded by other believers. Join a small group or service ministry— this is not a time to be alone. What I am still learning is that even a more mature follower HAS to have help from others in their walk with Him.
Southbrook is a great place to be in this point of your development. It wasn’t until I went to SCC that I realized what it meant to be a Christ follower, to fully surrender your life to Christ– which I’m still working on everyday.
If you are close by, why don’t you join us next Monday for our men’s group meeting? 6:15am, Indian Trail/ Sun Valley Starbucks.
Blessings.
Sara P says:
DagoodS
You have expressed your thoughts and ideas very well. I took the time to read each word. If you would just let me offer one suggestion. Spend that much time telling God how you feel and what is in your heart. Do it each time it comes to your mind. I hope you write again and say that you are talking to God. Oh, also tell Him that you don’t believe in Him. This may sound off the wall, but know that you would not be the first person to tell Him that.
Guest says:
Steve - thank you for your insite. No, I haven’t actually “let it be known” to anyone at SCC. I just always thought it was between me and God and it would reflect who I am or want to be after than. Getting involved at SCC is something I’ve looked into, but just cannot bring myself to take that “leap of faith” so to speak.
Also….thank you for your invitation to the men’s meeting. Not that you could have known this from my post, but I’m a woman AND from my understanding it is for the men of SCC, not the woman, correct? 
So perhaps I’ll pass the invitation along to my husband. Unfortunately, he is not at a point where he’s ready to make this type of committment in his life. In one of Pastor Rob’s podcast, I remember him saying the percentages of getting the family to attend church. I remember it was about 9% for the children, the wife was in the middle but the husband was the one that would have the most influence on whether or not the family went to church. Right now, this is the way it is in my household.
Matt and Dee Langley says:
Guest, there have been many times when I feel the same as you. Lost, detached, distant, etc., so I can relate. I am a fairly young Christian, when I say young I have only been a believer for about 10 years now. After making that statement I can truly say that only recently have I started to become a “true believer”, in the past 3 years or so, and those feelings have greatly diminished. (more so since coming to Southbrook: 3+ years : ) There are so many things going on in our lives that can “get in the way”, and believe it or not, spiritual warfare is real. The enemy will try everything he can to get you to not develop stronger spiritually and walk closer to/with God. I don’t care what anyone else says about it, satan is real. One of the most important things to remember is that God Loves YOU! Where ever you are, He Loves You. What ever you are doing He Loves You. I can guarantee you that there are brothers and sisters in Christ, that don’t even know you, but guess what, they Love you. If you need someone to talk to I would be more that happy to share some of my experiences with you. As I said, it is not easy and even today I sometimes feel like an outsider. I sometimes feel that way around other people, but, I NEVER feel alone when I am in His presence. If you want to talk, I would be more that glad to listen. At least then you won’t a total outsider. ; )
Steve says:
Guest– You can accept the gift, but you have to open the box. Only then can you make a decision to whether or not to keep it. I don’t know how far back the podcasts go, but Rob did a series a couple of Christmases ago called ‘Unwrapped’. See if you can find those.
It took me awhile to become involved at SCC. I didn’t want everyone to be in ‘my business’. But if I didn’t get involved, I wouldn’t still be there. The small groups and ministries I am in, keep me there; keep me focused on Him. Following Christ is a 7 day a week commitment– not just an hour on Sunday. It is hard to condition and discipline yourself to follow such a great example, knowing I will never be as perfect as Christ was. Does an athlete only show up for the game? No, he practices everyday, he thinks about his sport all the time, he works at it. Same with this.
BTW- there are some great women’s groups too. Also- you can attend the 101 class that goes more in depth of SCCs beliefs. It’s free and no pressure to sign up. It took me a few months to finally accept it and ‘join’ the church after I took the class. It gave me some insight on where and how Rob ‘goes’ in his teaching.
Hang in there.
DagoodS says:
Sara P
I appreciate your suggestion, but please understand—I am absolutely, totally, unequivocally persuaded there is no god. None.
Therefore it does no good to say I am talking to God. Oh, I can mouth the words; I can say, “God, help my unbelief” but there is no depth—no meaning behind them. I do not actually think I am talking to anybody but myself. I do not expect any response. I do not find any seriousness in the words themselves.
I may as well wear a crystal around my neck in the hopes of warding off disease, or spit on my fingers to avoid the evil eye. I can do it; but I don’t have any belief it does anything more than make my neck sore or my fingers wet.
Besides, it is a curious sort of God who, when I did believe in him—would not answer such a prayer, but now that I don’t—would.
Saskboy says:
Time is a lot longer than most humans comprehend, and that’s why it’s unthinkable to many people that natural selection lead the world to where it is now. When you think about the nearly limitless things someone can do in a lifetime, and multiply it by the number of people who have existed, multiplied by the years of recorded human history (modestly put at 6000 years by a few people), the results are incomprehensible on a detailed level. One might be inclined to say magical, or limitless (even though we know in our minds there must be a limit).
In the same way, the grand scale of time has provided living things on earth ample time to be born, die down, and be reborn into ever more successful forms.
Rob says:
Alright gang, I’m loving the interchanges here, but as I said, I’ve created another blog for the philosophizing, festooning and enlightening with one’s perceived wisdom. Because of the fact that this (www.robsingleton.net) blog is also for discipleship, pastoring, shepherding, church chat etc., I wanted to be able to provide an atmosphere for discussing these other topics at greater length.
Please take the field trip over there at http://www.pastorrobsrants.blogspot.com
Thanks.
Josh Via says:
This is a little off subject, but might be interesting to some of you. The I.D. theory that is causing evolutionists to birth small cows is gaining ground. Check out http://www.expelledthemovie.com/playground.php
to see the trailer for “Expelled” a movie causing quite a stir.
Jen Murray says:
Pastor Rob,
You are probably reviewing all the entries into your “Bringin’ Sexy Back” blog contest. I’m sorry it didn’t enter, but I (insert excuse here…). My story isn’t really a story, but really a testament to Christian parenting. I never got “the talk”, but I saw a parent that daily lived the Word. Within the Bible are God’s instructions to us about sex, so I knew what was expected of me by my mom and by God. I, like everyone, fell short in some ways, but I can say that I have waited for the husband that God has for me.
Thank you for always bringin’ it, whatever it is that God lays on your heart.
Jen Murray
Reading that passage from Romans again.
Makes me wish I could have put everyone on the earth in the High School basic training room the sunday mornings when we dug into the sin in this world.
It was pretty intense.
Great Points Rob
I’m soo fired up for this series