robsingleton.net

3 April 2008

I’d add one more thing

Perry Noble recently came up with a list of the top “Six Temptations Senior Pastors Face.”

He then went on to list seven. So much for his math skills. His list, however, was spot on. Mine would be nearly identical with a couple exceptions.

#1 - Selling Out God’s Vision In Exchange For A Paycheck.

I know so many pastors who fear losing their jobs because they think if they say what God wants them to say or attempt what God wants them to attempt then they will get fired. They claim to believe in the Sovereignty of God but then cower before the “all powerful…committee!”

#2 - Trying To Please Everyone

You CAN’T do it–no matter how you preach, what you wear or who you talk to–someone is going to get angry at you. Jesus never tried to please everyone…He was faithful to His Father and His calling–we should do the same.

#3 - Thinking Working Harder Will Solve The Problem

There have been so many times I have felt like I needed to violate the 4th commandment in order to make things happen…BUT–the commandment to rest is not a mere suggestion. It’s a command!

Sometimes the godliest thing a pastor can do is walk away from the work for awhile and relax…and let God prove how HE is perfectly capable of running the world (and the church) just fine!

#4 - Sacrificing Their Family

I’ve seen so many pastors allow the church to thrust their wives into activities that they hate–but the pastor tells them to do it in order to “keep the flock happy.”

I’ve seen pastors go to the sporting events and school plays of every kid in the church–except for his own; after all, they will understand, right?

Pastors–there isn’t a church or ministry ANYWHERE that is worth the price of your family! (How do you know if you are sacrificing your family? Why not ask them?)

#5 - Not Delegating Their Weaknesses

One of the myths that pastors buy into is that they have to be “well rounded.” Let me be very upfront here–there isn’t a well rounded person on planet earth. NO ONE is good at EVERYTHING.

If you have a weakness…instead of spending all of your time trying to master it (which you never will) why not delegate it and focus on the things you actually do well. THOSE are the things that will add the most value to your church over the long haul.

#6 - Avoiding Conflict

Unresolved conflict is like cancer…if not dealt with it will grow and eventually kill an organization or ministry. If there is tension or unresolved conflict on a staff…it is the pastors job to make sure it is dealt with–not ignored! (Anyone need to have a conversation today?)

#7 - Not Spending Personal Time With God

When a pastor is not personally walking with God then He cannot expect His church to do so! Pastors, NOTHING should come in between us and our personal time with God–that is where our fire comes from! We NEED HIM…He doesn’t need us. SO…we need to spend more time seeking His face rather than merely asking Him to bless our plans.

I don’t know if these are in order or not, but I do know one thing that seems conspicuously absent—I’m talking about worrying too much about the people who leave. Over the years I’ve spent waaaaaaay too much time on this one. And in doing so I’ve even managed to talk some people into staying who should never have stayed.

What I’ve learned is this, if people do not want to be at your church, why would you want them there?

Think about this for a moment. It’s like forcing a child into a sport they hate.

It’s like dance lessons for the klutz no matter how much they beg you to let them do something else,

singing lessons for the tone deaf,

piano for junior who has shown zero musical talent.

We waste a lot of time trying to force people into a mold that just doesn’t fit. So one more temptation pastors need to guard against is trying to shut the back door—seal it—bolt it—paint over it. It causes untold headaches down the line.

Think of it this way. The church is often compared to the body (human body) in scripture. And what happens to the body if we close the back door?!

Ah huh.

Pretty ugly picture, isn’t it?

That’s why so many churches are uptight and cold and stiff.

They’re spiritually constipated (another thing I remember Perry talking about).

I use to contribute to this at Southbrook by trying to seal the back door.

Not anymore. We need a back door. Every healthy church has one.

Just a thought.

And here’s another…

As we continue our “One Moth to Live” series, let me zoom in on the men. Many of you guys have said you wish you could step up and start living the life God intended for you, as leaders, fathers, husbands, friends, etc. If that’s you, don’t forget to gather with a hundred or so other men just like you on the first Monday of each month as we challenge one another to be XMen for God!

This coming Monday is our next meeting. Below are the details:

When? 6:15 am for coffee and donuts, 6:30 -7:15 for a word from the Lord and fellowship with each other.

Where? The Video Cafe (lower building on the campus of Southbrook Church)

Why? Because God has called the men to take the lead and, well, most aren’t!

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12 Comments currently posted.

Mark Cianciosa says:

Rob … great list … especially the bravery you show by adding your own … not sure that I could be so honest …

Mark

Christine says:

Number 2 Rob!. So many of us that love you, your family and especially what our church is doing every day. We have to remember number 2, although it hurts. Even our memebers loose friendships, but growth is always happening.
One thing I have found peace in is that God put’s people them in our life for a reason and a season. Now, the lord is calling them elsewhere, and that is ok.

sandy says:

Pastor Rob…although I not a Pastor, and am not going through such strife, as there are many fine restaurants in the area that serve the needs of the various taste-buds, so there are with churches. As long as someone is connected with the “body’ in a Bible-believing church, then no one should be forced to stay in a church where, like a restaurant, they are not getting fed the “food” that they need. I would encourage you not to be so critical of yourself. Your “body” of believers really enjoy your messages, and are very supportive from what i see and from what I hear. Perhaps you and your family should know that, more than just during Pastor Apprieciation Month in October. Smile.

Jay Foreman says:

Rob….

Thanks for leaving the back door open.
His grace is the strength that is holding it open.

That same back door is connected to the back alleys where the lost are hanging around, stealing each others lives, killing each others families, talking junk, ingesting junk, ignoring each others dreams… ignoring the fact that in the end that’s all there will be for them, the back alley of hell.

Thanks for leaving the back door open.
His love is the strength that is holding it open.

That’s the one I came in through. The same one thousands have come through looking for a glimpse of hope,a ray of love, the possibility of eternity.

For many…not all, hurting, lonely, lost people exit their own back door in order to enter God’s front door.

Thanks for leaving all the doors open.
Our prayers are the strength that hold them open.

Geoffrey says:

I agree with the addition. I would move #7 to #1. It seems a lot of pastors and people in ministry easily get distracted by the work, and personal time with God seems to be the first and easiest thing to let go. We desperately need to maintain our personal relationship with God. Time with Him is a must if we are truly going to listen to His voice and follow Him.

Dan says:

Hi Rob,

I’m glad to see you list #8?,(#2). The most important thing to remember is that even if people leave for whatever reason and go to a different church, you and the pastors of Southbrook have had a positive influence on their lives. It is because of you that they are saved! It is because of you and what you have accomplished with Southbrook Church that people are going to church at all. That’s huge in God’s eyes.

Keep up doing what you are doing

Dan

Trisha Crawley says:

I can easily see where pastors of churches I went to in NY are guilty of the above list. Thanks for putting it out there.

Trish

BigDadGib says:

Great post Brother.
I’m going to share this with some Pastor friends of mine.
Very good.

BigDadGib

Rob says:

This post was originally placed in the auto spam b/c it’s anonymous

I pulled it out becasue the phantum author raises some good points that are worth responding to. Here it is:

“For the most part I agree wholeheartedly. The concern would be that that, to use your own anology of the human bodies backdoor, if you sufer from chronic diarrhea and ignore it, then the body begins to suffer as a whole from lack of nutrients, you begin losing muscle mass, cognitive ability fades and eventually you will die. Likewise, when a church can not retain people on an unchecked scale, especialy those that are active in ministry, it will become a shell of itself. No matter how many new people you bring in the front door, they just get eaten up and discharged out the back door. As with the human body you are then left with a mess. Sure, you keep eating and bringing more people in the front, but you keep discharging half digested shriveled up Christians for some other ministry to hopefully clean up. Meanwhile, your own body cannot function to it’s fullest. Without recognizing the symptom and locating the cause, this will continue until it begins to take a toll. Short term things might look great because what is going in the front is what is visible and celebrated, but the head will begin to wear out from constantly striving for how to reach more and more to shovel in the front to make up for what goes out the back. Growth will slow and eventually the body will begin to wither away.

I agree fully that pruning is a good thing, as you said if you block the backdoor it’s not a good thing. However, when you look around every year and it’s an entirely different church, it might be a good idea to get the body an IV and some Imodium before it’s too late.”

Signed,

hmmm.hmmmm@hmmm.com (<– pretty creative, huh?)

Rob says:

To Mr./Mrs. Ghost writer:

These are good points that any diligent church like Southbrook constantly evaluates. However, as you curiously mention but than seemed to forget, I say that a backdoor IS very necessary and needs to be left open. The unhealthy thing the Lord has shown us is to put a disproportionate amount of time and energy into bolting it shut.

There needs to be a balance. A closed back door leads to keeping in those very toxins you mentioned and that will kill a church via splits, agendas, powerplays, and any number of other body killers. Leave it WIDE open and, as you say you will do no more than revolve the entire congregation every five years or so.

My experience has shown me that, if I had to choose between the two, it would be to have it more open than closed. New Christians are hungry for the Lord and healthy, mature, long-term Christians who stay and mentor the new ones are not the divisive, church hopping type anyway (those are the ones who use the backdoor in the greatest numbers and, I might add, with the greatest frequency from church to church. Though by NO MEANS are all users of the back door bad–everyonbe needs to use it from time to time as they seek the right place for them to serve) so you get the best overall health with a door open just enough to keep a healthy spiritual eco system.